2024, what about it ?
New Year, New Me, or so the saying goes, but what happens when I don't feel so… new.
It's December 31st and around the globe people are screaming ‘Happy new year’ at the top of their lungs and while you may share in the infectious excitement that comes with the season, for you it ends there. You neither have the zeal nor compulsion to pretend that 2024 is going to be any different than 2023, and why should you, 2023 was a pretty shit year and so was 2022 and 2021 and 202.. You get my drift. The past couple of years haven’t been so great. With COVID, inflation, economic recessions and old politicians who won’t be here in 20 years creating policies that will impact us long after they’re gone, it seems like it's the worst time to be an adult right now. But what then ? Do we just give up ? I don’t think so and neither should you.
This year, my mantra is to live not survive.
Everything listed above is probably not going to change and even if it does, what percentage of it is within my locus of control ? This concept created by Julian Rotter explains how we perceive and interpret the underlying main causes about the events in our lives. Do you believe your fate is in your hands, and attribute your failures or success to your own abilities and choice, then you have an internal locus of control. If you however believe that luck and chance dictate the outcome of your life and you have little to no influence in the grand scheme of things, then you have an external locus of control. Want to figure out which side of the aisle you land on ? Reread the first paragraph and see what comes up for you.
Your locus of control is not a genetic predisposition, hence it can change. The major distinction I see is that when you live with an external locus of control, life happens to you, while with an internal locus of control you happen to life. And this is the reasoning behind my mantra for 2024. I want to live, not just survive, despite the odds, irrespective of what the year, country or planet throw at me, I want to wake up daily choosing to inhale, ground myself and be a full participant in my life, no more a spectator watching from the sidelines as curveball after curveball hurl themselves at me.
So how do we do this ? How do we go beyond surviving to living ?
I think everyone has a different manual of how this plays out for them, but here’s mine, you can modify it as you please.
Identify the origin story of your locus of control.
Nothing comes from nothing, all trees have a root. In the same vein, every behavior you have has its origin story, either in your past or present. It's your responsibility to identify why your belief system places no responsibility at your feet. Perhaps it was a parent who used religion to shelter you from the consequences of your actions or a sibling who said you’ll never amount to anything or perhaps you failed a paper you studied really hard for and decided to give up trying in general. Whatever it is, find the pulling thread of your behavior and follow it to the source.
Your life…. It’s up to you
There’s no bigger discovery in adulthood than realizing the outcome of your life is ultimately up to you, sure there are variables that have significant impact, but past a certain age your choices and outcomes rest solely on your shoulders. Coming from parents making decisions for you from birth to early adulthood, everyone arrives at this eye-opening moment on a different timeline. I’m writing this, and even I struggle with accepting that no one is coming to save me, there's no secret trust fund, no lottery ticket. Living life is up to you, so what are you gonna do about it ?
Define what living means to you.
Birth… School… Work… Marriage… Kids… Death
This template is familiar to anyone who’s lived long enough on this spinning rock, but is it your template? Living is what you fill in-between the gap of birth and death, and if you’re the main character of your life, shouldn't you get to define what script you live by ? Live life on your terms, not on those dictated by century old traditions that no one remembers why they were created. And sure this is easier said than done, and yes there may be some pushback from stakeholders in your life, but in the closing credits of my life, I’d rather a few people be upset I didn't live on their terms than upset at myself for not living on mine.
Just Live
As a kid, I never really understand the Nike slogan ‘Just do it’ and it took becoming an adult for me to grasp that it simply means ‘to do’. You can talk about the life you want, write about it, speak on it, wish for it and pray about it, but none of this translates to actively living the life you want. Many of us are waiting to live, we think when I get that job, that house, that raise, then I’ll travel, then I’ll learn the hobby, then I’ll splurge. I’ve come to learn that with how uncertain life is, sometimes you have to seize happiness by the horns and make it your own, no matter how miniscule it may seem.
This isn’t some magic formula, or a spell set in stone. I’m sure that I’ll have low days in 2024 and nights when I cry myself to sleep or seek solace in the hugs of a friend as I scream at the universe, and that’s okay, because I’m human, and what is humanity without the pain of feeling. In spite of that, I will show up fully on the low days and the not so low days, because as much as the Earth deserves to be here, so do I, so I choose to occupy it wholey, for as long as I draw breath, ‘cus to be honest, what’s the alternative ?
